How can i make this essay better?

fix your punctuation and grammar. Is this supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay, if so i think you should def fix your intro paragraph. also i dont think your supposed to use I, me, mine, etc in essays (or maybe its only certain types of essays, idk) i think you should also write more about why it changed him and his life. im not sure what this essay is about, what were you trying to write about, so perhaps you should write a statement. hope this helps.